INT. HALLWAY - DAY
A newspaper falls through the letterbox on a front door. A man
walks over and picks it up. This man is the GOLFER, a tall man wearing a green
golf shirt, hat, shoes and shorts. The man sees a large headline on the
newspaper and gasps - it reads "$10,000,000 prize offered at Golfing
Championship". The Golfer clearly becomes excited and nods decisively.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
The Golfer carefully places the golf ball on a tee in his back
garden. The garden is very large with flat, green, freshly-cut grass, a pond
and a single tree at the end and fencing all around the garden obscuring the
view outside. At the end of his garden, the Golfer has very badly dug a hole
for the golf ball to land into which is clearly too large.
In the background, the Golfer is playing an old cassette of a
golf match on an old cassette player to set the mood.
The Golfer swings carefully then hits the golf ball. The ball
misses the hole and lands near the tree.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
(faintly, on cassette player)
Ooh that was unlucky! That was unlucky!
The Golfer GROANS LOUDLY.
We cut to the Golfer trying again. This time he hits the golf
ball into the pond.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
(faintly, on cassette player)
No, he'll have to do a lot better than that!
The Golfer then hits the ball again. It's clear in his aim that
he is frustrated and not putting much effort into it. The ball lands in the
tree. The Golfer gives a fed-up look as an audience is faintly heard clapping
over the cassette player. The Golfer SIGHS LOUDLY.
Next the Golfer hits the ball over the fence and we hear the
ball hitting an old lady, who falls over with her bags of groceries. On the
cassette player a large audience is heard groaning.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
(faintly, on cassette player)
Whoa, that looked painful! I would NOT like to be her right
now!
The golfer growls angrily and kicks the cassette player over in
frustration. The Golfer then calms down and looks at the golf hole again. He
sighs then proceeds to try one more time. This time he aims much more carefully
with greater precision. He hits the ball and it finally goes into the golf
hole. The Golfer cheers and shouts excitedly, then looks at his newspaper again
feeling much happier.
EXT. PLAYING FIELD - DAY
The big day has arrived. Another GOLFER has just taken a shot
but the ball lands too far from the hole. The other golfer cries loudly in
anger and hurries off. Our Golfer simply laughs as he starts taking his place
in preparation for his perfect shot. A large crowd is seen behind him sitting
in stadium seating.
The whole time the Commentator is heard talking, the Golfer is
looking very nervous as he prepares his perfect shot. He keeps moving
hesitantly as if he is unsure at what moment to hit the ball.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
(quietly)
And now, we have our final competitor for the day. This guy
seems to have come out of nowhere but his performance so far has been pretty
impressive. Now he just needs to complete this to have taken the contest and
won 10 million dollars.
The Golfer finally hits the ball. There is complete silence.
The ball hits the ground after a prolonged silence. It moves
its way around the golf hole. Everyone is watching. Finally the golf ball lands
in the hole. The crowd cheers and the Golfer cheers loudest of all.
Suddenly, the sounds of cheering start to fade. Also Sprach
Zarathustra by Richard Strauss plays.
The Golfer looks in disbelief as the golf ball emerges out of
the golf hole again, moving very, very slowly. The Golfer gasps in horror as he
sees the golf ball is riding on a GOPHER.
The Gopher brings the ball back up to the surface again in a
shot referencing the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
The Golfer slams his golf club to the ground in a similar way
to how the apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey slam bones to the ground. He is
clearly angry and frustrated. It is very clear now that the Golfer has lost the
tournament.
The Gopher throws the golf ball off his head, which hits and
smashes the camera.
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